The Encouraging Crafter

In my year of choosing joy, it seems like things have been constantly put in my path to bring me down or cause me to struggle with my faith.  Of course, with the loses I have suffered this year, I am allowed sadness, but God wouldn’t want me to be sad all the time.  He wants us to be joyful.  He wants me to know He is there.  In those dark times God wants us to draw closer to him.  He is a caring and loving God who wants the best for us, but He will also teach us things along the way.  Sometimes we know the answer pretty quickly, but sometimes we may not know those answers until we get to Heaven.

This year started off with the biggest lost I have ever suffered and that is the loss of my mother.  I went to Grief Share with my dad and two of my siblings.  I can see in time how it helped, but sometimes going was torture.  It was like bringing everything up every week, but I learned in time, that is what the program was all about.  I don’t mind sharing my story or my feelings…my dad named me “the mouth piece of the family” during that time…and it fit.  I think plenty of other people would agree.  When a crisis hits though, I tend to go into worker mode.  In moments of crisis, I tend to block my feelings out to help the ones I love.  I will cry with my husband, in the shower, my car…that is about it.  I don’t like to cry in front of others.  Not because I feel it is a weakness, but because sometimes once I start, I cannot stop.  There have been things that hit me out of the blue and knocked the breath out of me like my parents dog Angel had to be put to sleep due to cancer several weeks ago.  It broke my heart and felt like another piece of my mom was gone.  I was of course sad, but then I cried like a baby.  It just seems like you never know when those feeling are going to pour out or what is going to trigger them.

A few weeks after my mother passed away, we moved in with my father in law.  Pop is old school and private, so it wasn’t something I made public but family and friends knew.  The first several months we were here were crazy, frustrating and fun all at the same time.  Lord forbid if I was out after dark.  He would drive my husband crazy asking where I was and how I needed to be home and that I didn’t need to be out alone and that he needed to call and check on me.  His favorite saying was “Mere Foolishness”.  As the months went on, his memory got worse.  It wasn’t always pretty, but I won’t go into the details.  When you love someone you take to good with the bad.  Pop could make me so mad and 10 minutes later make me bust out laughing.  Pop passed away 10 days ago.  He was a huge presence in this family and the patriarch.  Nothing went on that he didn’t know about.  Pop was a simple man.  He didn’t want much or need much, but he made sure his family was taken care of.  He was always there for everyone!  He was a great example of a Godly man.

While Pop was in the hospital and in critical condition, we got work that my Aunt Lil, my mom’s sister, passed away.  Another loss…Another trigger…Another piece of my mom.  Sometimes, I want to just lay in bed all day and wallow in everything that has happened this year.  My husband and I both lost a parent this year.  My kids lost 2 grandparents in 10 months.  There has been so much that has happened this year, that I am ready to close this chapter of my life and I am ready to start a new chapter.  The year 2018 just basically sucked, for lack of a better word.  I know that God will use this year for my good and His glory, but I am ready to close this door and let another open.

John 1:4-5 ”In him was life, and the life was the light of men.  The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”  Even though this year has been rough, I am thankful.  I am thankful for a God that will shine a light into my darkness.  I am thankful for my family and the unconditional love they give.  I am thankful for the prayers, thoughts, support and love of my friends who have been there for me.  I am thankful that God has been and will always be by my side and carry my burdens.  I am thankful that I will worship Jesus side by side with my mom, Momma Betsill and Pop Betsill one day.  Someone told me the other day that God will give you more than you can handle, but He will not give you more than He can handle.  Psalm 68:19-20 ”The Lord deserves praise! Day after day he carries our burden, the God who delivers us. Our God is a God who delivers; the LORD, the sovereign Lord, can rescue from death.”

So, this day after Thanksgiving and a year of loss, there is so much for me to be thankful for and that brings me great Joy.  After all, this is the year of me choosing joy!

Katrina